Withdrawal Symptoms

I still caved in the evening today. It sucked, I didn’t enjoy it but I did it.

I’m having all the withdrawal symptoms anyway so I may as well just stick it out. I think there comes a point in every stop/start quit where you reach the point where you know if you don’t push through you’re just going to be in withdrawal forever. Today I got there.

I have read, and I truly believe that every smoker wishes they could quit, whether they admit to it or not. We all wish we’d never taken that first stupid drag. Or listened to our bodies when it made us cough, or our eyes water or our stomachs turn.

Why did we not heed the warnings of those gone before us and just steer clear of the trap in the first place. I can only plead temporary insanity. Then why stay in the trap? Addiction.

My brain thinks it needs nicotine. Just like your brain tells you it’s time to eat and drink, the addicted brain tells nicotine addicts it’s time for a smoke. Our survival instincts have been high jacked and if we don’t give the brain what it thinks we need it starts to give us all kinds of symptoms to make sure that we do.

Our primitive brain might make us anxious, feel like time is slowing down, light headed, that something is missing. Leave that for a bit and it makes you feel irritable and down right desperate.

When you stop smoking, or even taper back far enough your body starts to make adjustments and repair itself. This can cause tiredness, insomnia, itchy throat, coughing up phlegm with tar, headaches, nausea, hunger and mood swings. Today I’m ticking all those boxes.

So you see telling smokers they should just quit might be akin to telling domestic violence sufferers to just leave. Easier said than done and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

I’m very cranky with myself because it’s basically self inflicted and therefore I don’t deserve sympathy. And yet I’ve got to take care of myself and try and stay positive if I’m to have a chance of getting through to the other side.

So tonight I’m going to watch a movie and go to bed. Tomorrow I’m going to get all the ingredients and make myself some chicken soup. Maybe put some washing on. Drink lots of fluids and try not to sleep too much in the day so I can sleep at night. And remind myself, constantly, that I am sick not because I gave up but because I smoked.

At the end of tomorrow I will say, today was a bit shit but at least I don’t smoke.