So it turns out ‘pre diabetes’ plus isolation/not working due to covid= Type 2 diabetes. And I’m really not surprised and completely dumbfounded, I’m angry about everyone who can ‘get away’ with bad habits and furious with myself for letting it get to this stage. I’m determined to turn it around. And I’m tired and I’m hungry.
Carbs can’t be bad. I love carbs in all their forms; simple to complex. Crunchy, soft, liquid, sweet salty and even both at the same time. And unfortunately I have the type of addictive brain that says ‘if a little is good, more must be better.
When I got the news I was upset, especially when the doctor mentioned medications. I practically begged to be able to try life style measures. The doctor agreed that people have reversed their diabetes through life style changes.
The doctor weighed me and measured my waist. 76.5 kg . 100 cm. I’ve weighed more than that before but only just. I would argue the tape measure was too low for my waist but I’m not the type.
My BMI is only just over. I could lose 7.6 kg. Simple. People do it all the time. I’ll just start watching my carbs and go for a walk every day. The weight will just fall off me…
It’s a week later and I’ve put on 0.4 kg. Fuck. Right. Off. Let’s back track and see where I went wrong:
Friday night (day of diagnosis): Ate McDonalds with my kids, vowing to start counting carbs the following day. Felt guilty. Found Pilates/aerobics video on You tube. Was a 20 minute workout. Miss 7 stopped the video around minute 14 due to concerns for my well being. I felt dizzy and my abs felt like they were being ripped apart. Spent the next 20 minutes in my bed, in the dark, drinking water with my heart beating in my ears trying to catch my breath.
Saturday: bought some low carb veggies and salad and genuinely enjoyed eating them. Went for a very brisk (doctor says I must go so hard I can’t talk) walk in the bush while the kids played with sticks and tried to ask stupid questions which I definitely couldn’t answer without swearing.
Sunday : more walking. A roast with zucchini and pumpkin and capsicum and no potatoes. Didn’t even miss them. I got this.
Monday: Working at a Preschool. Chicken and Greek salad for lunch. Couldn’t even finish the chicken. I don’t miss carbs at all. The chick I’m working with talks non stop about very personal things and I literally just met her. I get my physical activity doing all the cleaning.
Tuesday: Feeling productive. Eating lots of veg. Used the cross trainer my brother gave me cos he got a new one 8 years ago…for the first time. It fucking hurt and I nearly died.
Wednesday: Bought some protein shakes because I need to lose this weight yesterday.
Thursday: Had my shake for breakfast. Tastes nothing like chocolate but I’m feeling super smug about having it. Like I’m one of those people who has will power and drive. Get called for a shift and leave my food at home. End up eating cheese and bacon sausage roll and steak traveller pie from the servo because I’m dizzy and hungry and I think I’m going to cry because I just feel so weird. Text best friend who’s been dieting for years and apologise for all she’s been through.
Today: Eyes checked. No problems there. Get my super brisk walk in and get on the scales. Super mad at everyone and everything for the rest of the day.
Have appointment with diabetes educator. Hate her for being both fat and not diabetic. Hate self for being such a bitch in my mind. She says it’s not reversible but it can be managed. I nearly cry. She says we need carbs. She says if you don’t have enough your liver will just release sugar anyway and it dumps too much. I have to eat just the right amount, the right type at the right time.
Here’s a glucose monitor. Happy diabetes. There’s both insulin and sugar in your blood but they can’t go where they need too. Eventually everyone needs insulin. You can delay it.
Maybe this will turn into a survival guide some day. But today I can only be honest. I ate like shit today. I felt sorry for myself today. Today was a lot shit. But tomorrow I will get up and try again.
Mayb
A Bit Shit 
Change is hard but you can do it. Create new habits over time and remind yourself why your doing this … To better your health. Try to be positive and find creative ways to make meals and get the kids involved in eating the rainbow.
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You can do this don’t be too hard on yourself. Just take each day or even each meal one at a time. When. you slip up forgive yourself and move onto the next meal. It wont be easy but you will get there. I know this because I’m your mum and I love you. Xxx💞💞💞
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Thanks. Feeling a lot more positive today. Just wanted to capture the initial shock of it all. It’s all up from here. I might still whinge here and there though lol
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