40 things I learned before I was 40

As I sit here, in the bath, after a day of retail therapy, I reflect. The past few weeks I’ve been a bit shit, anxiety about the future, thoughts about the past. Possible timelines that will never be, achievements never unlocked. We can never know what might have been or what’s to come but thankfully we’ve all been blessed with imaginations so we can torture ourselves.

I hope dear reader, that you don’t find me ungrateful, I’ve got a beautiful family, amazing friends, a career, a great car… oh no now I’m bragging! Anyway point is dear reader things are going pretty well for me and most of my problems are indeed, imaginary.

In the tradition of women’s magazines and radio countdowns, both of which are rapidly becoming obsolete, I thought it befitting to pass on some of my wisdom in list form. So here, in no particular order are the 40 things I learned before I was 40.

1. In life, most of the time you will feel like you are going crazy. This is normal, it is when you think others are the crazy ones you begin to unravel.

I remember being so so angry about the way things work in the world that I lost all sight of anything good. Don’t get me wrong, anger is often a sign of people disrespecting you or your boundaries but at the end of the day holding onto that anger will hurt you. Say your piece and move on. Which brings me to my next valuable lesson:

2. You can’t control other people.

Actually some people seem quite good at it. But I certainly can’t and life will continuously teach me this til I get it through my thick head.

3. You can’t put an old head on young shoulders.

Or expect people to understand what you’ve been through if they haven’t. There’s a certain level of understanding that only comes from personal experience, so I must try not to take it personally when someone doesn’t understand something like mental illness for example.

4. Be humble

Re: the above point. Life has a way of making you eat your words, try not to think too much of your opinions.

5. Moderation

Still learning this one… in certain circumstances it’s impossible and you need to give something up completely because you can’t control it.

6. Do things that make you happy

I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, listen to great music, sing and dance, write and draw.

7. Do things to help yourself in the future.

Even the small things, can I unstack the dishwasher now so it’s empty next time I need to fill it. Yes I can! Will I? Questionable but when I do such things I’m always glad I did.

8. One day at a time.

The past is gone, the future hasn’t happened yet, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called ‘the present’. Corny but true. Also ‘living in the moment’ is great til there’s a really sucky moment but it’s still worth working on.

9. You can’t run away from your problems.

Ofcourse it’s ok to take a break from them too. But running too much is just exhausting.

10. This place is nuts. Don’t forget to laugh.

Let’s face it, if there is a creator he’s got a sick sense of humour sometimes. If you don’t make dad jokes out of everything you hear like me you could watch a funny movie or google ‘Animal Fails’

11. Know when to quit.

There are certain situations (or workplaces) that will never change. They aren’t for you, go find better.

12. Most people are good.

Sure there’s a few psychopaths in life but you give them exactly what they want when u focus all your energy on them. There are far more lovely people to focus on and 9/10 people that hurt you don’t even know they’re doing it. Try saying ‘ouch’ next time they say something hurtful.

13. Smile at your enemies, it confuses them.

Just be careful cos sometimes it also enrages them.

14. Sometimes kids are just hungry.

There whole world will end and they won’t even know it’s just low blood sugar.

15. Sometimes I’m just hungry.

Same deal but I usually know it, it’s just not practical to eat right now.

16. Then again sometimes I’m just thirsty.

And I think I’m hungry. I like to eat.

17. Drink water constantly.

Apparently you CAN have too much water but not me cos I only sip it so I’m never hydrated enough. Also if you drink lots of water, you pee a lot and that means you don’t have time for any drama.

18. Slip Slop Slap

I have a LOT of sun damage to my skin. I wish I’d taken better care of it.

19. Don’t be a people pleaser.

I saw a meme that said ‘oh you’re a people pleaser? How many people are pleased with you right now?’ And that hit hard. When you play that role people play on it. If you know, you know.

20. No one knows you better than you know yourself.

Take constructive criticism in to account but at the end of the day if someone judges you and they’ve got it completely wrong you’re allowed to not believe it.

21. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.

At least at first while you’re learning. There’s nothing sadder than not trying because you can’t do it perfectly.

22. It’s never the end of the world.

You might wish it was. Sometimes things will never be the same but we continue.

23. Don’t over commit.

Don’t like start a list of 40 things when 40 is a very long number. What was I thinking?

24. The grass is greener where you water it.

Not just in intimate partnerships but in workplaces, homes, lots…of…stuff. Some of my best friends think really differently to me but we are strong friends because we are committed to reaching out to each other and listening to one another.

25. You can’t stop progress.

The home town I grew up in is completely different now. I won’t go there but hope those that live there like it. One day urban sprawl will become so much I’ll want to move out further but I’m ok for now.

26. Progress not Perfection

I know some perfectionists that are quite good at it. Not for me though.

27. Feelings are not facts.

Took me a long time to realise and sometimes they still trick me.

28. Never guess someone is pregnant.

It’s not ever safe unless they personally tell you.

29. Half your plate should be vegetables.

When I do this I am healthier but bad habits die hard.

30. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it’s probably a duck.

And you should get the duck out of there. Dr phill coined the phrase but it comes to mind so often when I see people who get into bad relationships. Walk away, you’re not gonna fix him.

31. Put it back where you got it from.

Where are the scissors? All the pens? Hair ties? No really does anyone know?

32. If in doubt, Chuck it out.

Does it spark joy? Is it useful? Constantly throwing out crap here, it’s like it breeds.

33. People are idiots.

Including you. Don’t rely on people doing what you think they should. In a work example, when stupid mistakes happen I look at how to make the task ‘fool proof’ because there is always human error.

34. Relax

Find a way, meditation, yoga, walking. Life’s stressful you need to learn to get back to a relaxed state regularly.

35. Get in the picture

No one cares how ugly you think you are. People are making memories and they want you in them.

36. Take the picture

I’ve had so many visits from friends and relatives where we all forgot. It’s great we were in the moment but it also would’ve been nice to have a record.

37. Do the ordinary thing that scares you

Ok I got this one (and a few others ) from GROW Australia, a group I used to attend, but I want you to take it to heart. Especially if you suffer from anxiety, because your world can get very small, very fast if you don’t. Am I going to handle a snake? No but I did pat one. Am I going to make a doctors appointment even though I have irrational fears about them finding something that’s gonna kill me? Yes, yes I am!

38. Keep in touch with other friendly minds.

Another one from GROW but so true. Humans need interaction with other humans.

39. Be grateful

There is always something to be grateful for. Not everything is a lesson, some things just really suck. Feel grateful about something else sometimes puts it in perspective, sometimes it just gives you something else to think about.

40. Just keep going.

It’s ok to take a break, it’s ok to fall down. It’s ok if all you did was make it through the day. Just keep going because you matter. Sounds corny but I believe it.

Whew that took me a few hours. Not doing that again. Did I tell you I’m reviewing 40 albums for my 40th year? What would be your picks?

Abit shit signing out for the last time in my 30s.