Stupid Tiny People

I believe the band The Refreshments said it best in their song ‘Banditos’; ‘Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people.’ If you’re paying attention to the world at large or the microcosm of your immediate family there’s one pattern that stares you in the face. The smartest humans can be the biggest dumbasses.

Other animals have their instincts to rely on for example swimming. We have to learn it, to other species it comes naturally.

Are we breeding out of our instincts? I often pointed out angrily with my firstborn, that cavemen wouldn’t put up with this shit. It’s one thing for a baby to cry to be held, to scream when you try to put them down, but a baby that has all its needs met and still feels the need to scream (even in your arms) for hours straight before sleeping? Surely they would have just put it outside the cave to let nature take its course and go back in and go to sleep?

As children get older they learn how to talk. And then things really get stupid. I just had a work kid today who cried and said ‘cold cold’. And then she said ‘no’ to a jumper. The same kid wanted her shoes ‘on’ and as soon as they were on said ‘off’ and then took them off herself and put them on the wrong feet. When I suggested we change them over she said ‘no’. So I let her go and she looked very uncomfortable but all attempts to rectify this were greatly disputed. Why child? Why?

Learning to walk presents equal but different issues. Almost as soon as they learn to walk they realise they can go in a different direction to you, especially when you are calling their name? How did we survive this in the past? Surely one would be devoured by a lion if they left the herd?

Don’t feel like I’m picking out particular children as dumb. They’re all dumb, we’re all dumb. My son is a model student and I’m told ‘a pleasure to teach’ at home he will battle me every time I ask him to brush his teeth and he gets lost in Big W every time we go there. Also his favourite hobby is having to be in front when we’re walking and then walking really fricken slow.

The only redeeming feature we seem to have as a species is that by working together we can make up for each other’s shortcomings, the whole somehow being bigger than the sum of its parts. That’s why I try to stay humble but also I have to go kill my kids right now because they’re spinning and kicking each other on their dads old computer chair. It’s a bit shit but that’s life with little ‘dumb brains’ (my youngest found the word there by reading over my shoulder).