The other Kind of Government Paid Vacation

Dear Reader, what’s worse than being in lockdown? Being in isolation. After being in lockdown go months we found out that or famil were close contacts to someone with COVID 19. While I did have some anxiety about potentially having contracted the disease and spreading it to my love ones it was a close second to my biggest fear…being trapped with my own little family for two whole weeks. Tomorrow is my last day and a friend is just starting hers tomorrow with not 2 but 4 children. So I thought I’d share a few things this past couple of weeks has taught me.

• 1 Routine is Everything : I posted the picture above because it closely resembled Miss 8s hair. Without routine, we kind of forgot to brush it. It was only tonight I realised how dire things had become and we spent about half an hour an half a bottle of conditioner, fixing it.
• 2 Lower Your Expectations: Does school work really need to be done every day? Do you really need to be awake all day? Do Dorritos count as a meal? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. Learning and nutrition are important but so is your sanity, and it’s only for a short time. Think of it as a vacation that the government is paying you for, kind of like prison.
• 3 Keep in Touch: Zoom meetings, FaceTime, yelling at the Ubereats guy through a closed door; these things remind you that you are an actual person and not just snack bitch to your crotch goblins.
• 4 This might be a good time to work on your relationship: If you’re sharing solitary with someone you used to like, bring back the romance. Let the kids have som extra screen time and bribe them with big rewards for ‘leaving you the hell alone.’
• 5 Kids don’t do subtleties: You need to learn simple phrases that get o the point like: ‘leave me the hell alone’, ‘get off me’ and ‘give me some space’. And when they fight you, take them to their room (like 50 times if they’re like mine) until they get the picture.
• 6 Games bring togetherness…and sanity: Mr 5 and I love the Mario games in the switch. Mr 5, Miss 8 and Hubby bond over Minecraft. AND there is this awesome game I found out about in a fb post where you lie on your tummy and the kids put an object on your butt and you have to guess what it is. You, guys it really works! They laughed their hands off and I got a lie down.

So there you have it, total guide to isolation. We’ve nearly made it and I have to say it wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared. This post is sponsored by (not really but if they’d like to I’m open to it) Pfizer (without which we probably would all have COVID), DoorDash and Menulog (respectively, swore I never would but zero regrets) and care packages from my parents (you don’t get flowers, chocolate and bakery treats in prison now do you.

Isolation: A bit shit, but not the end of the world.