Desperate Times

I haven’t written in a while. Been finding it hard to see the funny side of life these days. I tell myself I should write honestly during my worst mental health episodes so I’m really showing what it’s like but it’s hard. I wax poetic in my head constantly but making myself physically write seems to either get buried in all the other frantic thoughts or simply drift away like a helium balloon never to be remembered.

I hope you are well. I feel that well if you’re a New South Welshman right now, especially in greater Sydney, is a relative term. Everyone is dealing in their own weird way and we just have to kind of move the goal post of what is acceptable. I’ll give some examples from my own life:

1. Personal Grooming

I’ve met a few people who think it’s a good idea to cut your own hair, and I very strongly disagreed with them…from the safety of my own head. Hair dressers aren’t allowed to cut hair until their final year, what makes you think you can just ‘have a go’? I imagined it like someone trying to give themselves minor surgery, just leave it to the experts please.

But you guys, I was growing my hair for my friends wedding for like a year. It has never been this long. Or this annoying. Day of the wedding…we went into lockdown again.

I put up with the urge to shave my head for the past eight weeks. Then I found myself ‘googling’ ‘how to cut your own hair’ and finding the seemingly easy method involving putting ponytails at the front of your hair and snipping.

My hair is surprisingly fine. Mostly because I stuck to the rule I read on line to ‘cut no more than an inch at a time’ for all intents and purposes my hair remains remarkably similar to before I cut it. But it feels different and that will hopefully tide me over until the hairdresser can work again. But seriously they need a covid safe outdoor salon immediately if not sooner.

2. Being trapped with your family 24/7 is not the same thing as quality time. No matter how you frame it.

Basically I’m an unintentional ‘attachment’ parent whose children seem to be better suited to being kicked out of the nest.

The more attention/affection I give them the more they want. There’s only so many games of ‘Mario Party’ I can play in a day. I do not want to assist you to do ALL your school work and then also play with you or ‘watch this’ while you do something uninspiring. Sorry I thought I would…but..no.

Mr 5 aka ‘the cock block’ who used to wake a couple of hours after I put him to bed is now lucky to make it half an hour before being up again. I really do not know why I bothered getting an IUD because Mr 5 makes damn sure he will always be the baby in this family.

3. The Patriarchy is Real, even in lockdown.

The division of labour in this household is , as I’m sure it is in many others, a fucking joke.

I thought I’d got a lot of organising done as I’m on annual leave this week. But watching the other half game 16 hrs a day just really zaps my motivation. That and the damn kids messing faster than I can clean. Fuck being a woman.

4. I need to work.

Thank god for work. I hope I work until I’m eighty because if I don’t I’ll just constantly take naps and plan my next meal. It’s fun but it would kill me pretty fast I reckon.

5. Try not to be too judgey-judgey

Schools and Childcare centres can’t turn children away because we don’t know each families circumstances. Some children are safer outside their home.

Some of the families where I work continue to send their children to childcare for the simple reason that they want to keep some routine and normality in their lives. I can empathise as staying open keeps a sense of normalcy in my life too.

Some families will breeze through homeschool and some will struggle. Some will give up and have a nap. Some will decide to do a different kind of learning and take their kids for a bush walk or bake a cake with them. All valid choices.

Be kind to everyone you come across at the moment (from a safe distance and wearing a mask) because you never know what someone else is going through. People are losing jobs, businesses or going out to work fearful that they will catch the dreaded virus.

People are anxious without their usual routines and supports or depressed without a reason to get up in the morning. And though they show it differently, I believe our mini people feel this too.

Most of all ‘be kind and gentle with yourself ‘ as my mother often reminds me. We may be sleep deprived, sex starved, over anxious, health obsessed and/or isolated but we still have value. Connect to others even if it’s via zoom, do something productive each day and do something that makes you laugh or smile even if it’s dumb cat videos on YouTube.

And talk to your doctor about getting vaccinated. We all want to get out of this fucking lockdown!