Happy Valentines to ME

I was having a shit time with anxiety today. I don’t think it was V day, I think it was a lot of things. Champix works great but I think it’s starting to make me a bit ‘edgy’. Work’s full on at the moment and I’m starting to get a sneaking suspicion I do everything around here.

To make matters worse I can’t even get no lovin’. I picked the other half on the bum this morning and he just leapt out of the bed and stormed off. Later evidence suggests he found the sponge bob travel cup I bought him and carelessly tossed it aside.

My entire family has been playing video games all day. My kids are sitting side by side in the same minecraft world yelling at one another and (not that it’s unusual) my husband has not spoken a word to me and only the kids when he ‘has to’ and it’s now 9pm.

But I’ve had a pretty good day really. This morning I took a bath all by myself. I actually locked the door and had uninterrupted tub time.

Then I thought well fuck this I’m gonna do the day anyway. I took the kids with me and bought ingredients for the only thing my husband thinks I can cook, Osso bucco. We also had a roast at the food court which always lifts my spirits.

On the way in I saw the florist section near the escalators and vowed to buy myself something. It took some looking on the way out but I managed to find my favourite flowers, tulips. Hubby always says ‘they didn’t have any tulips’. Ha!

I put dinner in the slow cooker and had a nice old nap. Mostly because everyone was playing video games and in shit moods. Also because Champix only makes me feel like I’m on a boat while I’m awake.

I had to basically beg everyone to come to the dinner table. One kid tried it and said she didn’t like it. One kid looked at it and point blank refused. My husband ate it without a word which is like, the best compliment you get from him. Either that or my current mood terrified him enough to keep his mouth shut.

After dinner, hubby, exhausted, went for little nap himself. To be fair to him, he did work last night. But the hours of gaming afterwards….

Anywho, I’m like some kind of optimist or something because I thought eff this, I’m going to have a good night anyway. So I got the YouTube happening with all the old songs I used to sing along with at the pub. Thank you Sheryl Crow and Max Box 20.

To complete the experience I found some strawberry Baileys and had it over ice with some milk. But now I’m sitting in the dark patting Mr 5, it’s really killing my buzz.

I might sound a bit sad case to you but I promise you today was awesome. Atleast as good as it could have been. I’ve slowly and very painfully learned you can’t control other people. If you want someone to give you the best day who’s more qualified than you.

So happy Valentines to me. We’ve been together nearly 37 years and despite some of the awful things we’ve said to each other, we’ve never been apart. I’ve gotten pretty good at forgiving myself and I’m working on taking better care of myself. And I hope you all have had a good day too, no matter what that looks like.